Your Heart is Still Beating

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

Psalms 139:13 & 14. NIV. 

Howdy Connor! 

I hope this finds you well! I have been thinking about a lot of the conversations we have had over our years in college. I think we both can agree it's why this page exists in the first place! Faith throughout college is such a touchy topic isn't it? I know for me I had grown up at the exact same church my entire life, I knew the names of every single person in the kids club, youth group, and most of the congregation (it wasn't a very large church :), so it was always a very safe place to be. Then I hit college, I was suddenly 100 miles away from home, and the floor vanished out underneath my feet. The safety net that I had lived with my entire life vanished instantly, and I suddenly needed to start asking myself a question that I had barely bothered to ask. 

Am I a Christian? 

I still remember it very vividly, it was my first free Sunday on campus. I woke up early that morning and thought to myself "I have no idea what I am doing? I have no idea who I am? I have no idea what I want my major to be?" I was running through an endless number of big questions. "Would I be able to find friends? Would I be able to do everything I wanted to be able to do?" I remember leaving early that Sunday morning and just wandering. Not to go anywhere, but just to wander. The questions kept spiralling deeper and deeper in my mind. I had no idea where I was supposed to be going, or who I was supposed to be? As I was walking I realized where I had ended up, I was standing outside the door of a church that was within walking distance to my campus. 

Because that is all it took. At that moment I realized something very important. My heart was still beating. I was worrying about big questions. I was worrying about everything else that was going on. But at this moment, I just need to just be. I needed to just understand that value comes from the one who made me, who knew me before I was. Who knit my very heart itself together. Life isn't lived at any other time other than right now. College can be a really scary place, it presents with a lot of new challenges. But no matter how bad it ever got, God kept my heart beating. He never left me behind. 

No matter what had happened, it didn’t matter how badly I did on a specific test. It didn’t matter how much I panicked and crammed trying to complete an entire paper the night before it was due. College isn’t where my that as still true value or strength was found. Because strength, courage, hope, it doesn’t come from the things that we can give. It comes from the God who strengthened your heart, who breathed life into your very being. Who sustains you in the palm of your hand, even now. Because isn’t that the profound mystery of it all, that through it all, God never left us behind, even when it feels like school is so overwhelming, God is right there through it with you too. 

I think one of the biggest mistakes I make continually is looking to the future like that is gonna solve all of my issues? That someday, when I finish college, everything will be alright. That everything will just suddenly start making sense someday in the future. To the point that I ignore what is happening right now. I ignore the present moment. I ignore that right now is the only moment I really get to live in. I think to myself again and again ‘this is to insignificant’ or ‘this isn’t important’ so I don’t need to pray about it. But I was and I am wrong. Because God cares. God cares right now. 

Nothing is too small to go and to God in prayer about. Nothing is too insignificant to take a moment and thank God for. So next time when the college is feeling overwhelming, take a moment, pause, and just pray.   

Farewell! Safe Travels.

-Shay Krueger.